1999 story #2(refers exclusively to Ilchi Lee)

One day, Susungnim called Shin Mijung in order to find out more about Kim Jiha behind my back. (Kim Jiha is a famous Korean national poet who was once Ilchi’s disciple but publicly broke away by declaring Ilchi and Dahn as hopelessly corrupt – one of the author’s jobs was to take care of Kim Jiha).

He told Shin Mijung: “Songhwajang (author) made you look like a total fool by having Nam Soyean tell me everything about you. And yet you still defend her?...”

Shin Mijung later told me that Susungnim was wrong to try to start a fight between sisters (Mijung and I), but she nevertheless wanted to ask me why I told Susungnim about her when she looked up and followed me so much. If I had otldher not to do certain things, she said that she would never have done them. I made a lot of excuses then, but now I want to tell her I’m sorry. Then again, although she would have stopped if I had told her to, she would have made excuses and justified herself about sex as not being wrong and such acts would have gone on and spread and she would have become more and more fearless since she had the brought in SungJaeajng, the rich businessman.

That’s why I had felt that Shin Mijung needed to be disciplined officially by Susungnim. I still think I judged correctly.

Of course, when Shin Mijung was in America in the immediate aftermath, Susungnim told her to be abstinent for 3 years. However, I thought that was just a temporary solution. I believe that sex should not be used or twisted for other purposes. Sex itself should be respected as the beautiful and precious thing it is. Also, there are many people hurt by sex. They are hurt to their soul. I can now say for certain. That sex is a not a subject to be studied.

Susungnim is just using sex as one of the tools for him to control the organization. He is not trying to used to somehow help people reach enlightenment or make them more mature. This is definitely wrong.



The next thing that I came to regard as wrong was Susungnim distrust of everyone except his family when it came to money.

Even in CheonHwaWon, all the lands had to be purchased in Susungnim’s name. When it couldn’t be done for some reason, it could be bought in a disciple’s name but he or she had to sign a document and give it to the headquarters. Daahmjang complained about it once. He told me that Susungnim found out once that the biggest parcel was in Joongamjang’s name. He called Joongamjang into his office. Joongamjang’s colors changed to gray and he called Jisoojang immediately.

Even CheonIlAhm had to be put under the ownership of CheonJiInSangSa (Merchandising arm of Dahn). CheonJiInSangSa was under the ownership of Susungnim’s younger brother. CGI in America was under his wife’s ownership. To build CGI, the masters had to continue to squeeze money (called Vortex Membership Dues) from members even after we had bought the Sedona land – it created a lot of problems.

The Vortex Membership Dues ($2000 lifetime membership fee) was a result of blood and sweat of the masters. But (after CGI was built) Susungnim’s wife became the president of CGI and she was put in as the owner. Afterwards, she even bought an extra land to build a hotel on without consulting anyone else, which disappointed many masters who knew about it but they couldn’t say anything. Susungnim said that he could not trust anyone because he had been betrayed too many times by his disciples. But I couldn’t understand that logic. Should a Teacher trust in his disciples although some of them betrayed his trust? Because these disciples are people who give up their families, sell their houses, and work for less than one–fifth of their former income all because of the vision; if you don’t trust them, can you really create a One World as he says? I began to doubt the whole thing.

I know that no one in our Ilchi family comes in thinking that they will earn tons of money. I now think a little differently. Once people see money, they sometimes start thinking other thoughts. However, I think you still need to trust people when you interact with them in society.

Anyway, what was certain was that we shouldn’t even dream of founding a Utopian world in this fashion. I had one more experience. He was a man who quit being a manager of the accounting office in Dahn. We went to Sedona and spoke with Susungnim together. Although he used professional vocabulary, what he mainly said was:

“Why don’t you trust your disciples and only buy property in your family’s names? You shouldn’t do that. The stocks of the company shouldn’t be bought like that. Masters should have a stake, become owners and guarantee their future…”

Susungnim told him to discuss it with Joongamjang if he had good ideas. He said that he would follow his recommendations if his ideas were really good. Then he told me and Joongamjang to keep a close eye on him so that there is no trouble.

Recently, Daewonjang said that the man threatened to expose everything and brought with him copies of the accounting books. They had to pay him hush money and get a job for him in an affiliated company. Susungnim kept saying that he had to do it this way because he had been betrayed so many times. He said that he never used the money for his own personal purposes.

Anyway, I felt sorry for my younger masters. Since they were being constantly hounded for increasing income, they would declare an income without having actually received the money; then, if the expected money did not come in, then they would fill in the discrepancy with their own money from monthly salary (which was a pittance), credit cards… then they would be neck deep in debt and not be able to pay rent on the center until they were found out by the headquarters and be punished by having their monthly salaries docked for years, in addition to being officially demoted and/or humiliated. We, who have been on the frontlines, know what goes on; but the people in the accounting office have no idea about the stress that we receive in the actual retila operations of the center.

Anyway, in our Ilchi family, accounting mishaps were treated with severity. Then if someone got sick working like that, then they had no place to go. Everyone was busy making money. They didn’t have personal monies of their own. Since many of them cut off contact with their families when they became masters, they didn’t have the option of going back home when they got sick. Actually it was my job to take care of and treat warmly these sick masters, but I was also so preoccupied with my own job of earning money for CheonHwaWon, CheonIlAhm, donations, and more that I ignored them. That fact that Susungnim did not trust the masters who slaved for the vision like this made me doubt even more.

One master who created an accounting problem was sent to CheonHwaWon (that the author was in charge) as a punishment. The head of accounting told me that he mentally strange, that he could not understand the simplest things. The master insisted:

“When a member said that he wanted to become a life time member then I added to the center income. Then he would change his mind and not bring the money he promised… other times, someone would say that he wanted to become a member and to bring the money in the next day but doesn’t come, but I had added to the center income already anyway… after several months, there was a discrepancy of several tens of thousands of dollars…”

The problem was that the master didn’t think he did anything wrong. Of course, he was mentally weak in that he caved into the pressure from above about increasing income and engaged in such dubious income reporting. Anyway, the punished master thought that he was unfairly treated and had a difficult time adjusting. There were many cases like this accounting mishap among the masters. This was just an extreme case. Then the case got worse. The headquarters called. The credit card company sued to take their debts out of his paycheck. The master said that it was his mother who ran up the debt on his credit card and to not take the money out his salary. I asked Hwatajang about his status. He told me that the punished master was becoming worse, taking long walks by himself in the middle of the night. I reported to the headquarters that he should be made to quit being a master.

But then, several days later, that master died when he fell off the cliff above the Mokgye Fall in CheonHwaWon. Since there were plenty of witnesses, it was treated as an accident. I was in Seoul during that time on a business trip.

I reported to Susungnim about the incident and he comforted me by saying, “He is a lucky guy for having died in CheonHwaWon.”

I cried all night silently in my room. I couldn’t bring myself to perform the CheonDoJe (ceremony guiding the soul to pass beyond) and had someone else do it.

Another problem was with CheonIlAm. CheonIlAm brought in a lot of cash for the organization. Susungnim wanted an expansion of the CheonIlAm operations. He created a CheonJi Divinity Center as a branch. He also wanted 360 centers to open in Korea. I told him that opening so many centers was too much and that we should try to craft our goal according to the income numbers, instead of center numbers. He then said that 1 Million Dollars a month should the new goal for net profit income. He then told me to go see what the Unification Church was doing to earn money and copy them. I didn’t go myself but sent my younger masters. I heard that they did group soul release sessions that brought in millions of dollars a day. I heard about their teachings indirectly.

It was like any other religion in that they stimulated the fear factor of the worshippers to squeeze money out of them.

I thought that such actions were frauds.

But Susungnim said, since everyday people were of such low consciousness, they should be comforted by these methods. I said that I couldn’t do it. I judged that such direction made us equal to any other religion and had nothing to do with enlightenment, planting another set of preconceptions in people. I really wanted to get out of CheonIlAm. I asked Susungnim to appoint me to a center master’s position, but he said no, saying that someone as tough as me was had to be there to make it successful. He told me to make the operation so that I didn’t have to be there for it to run, and to also train a replacement. All these things and more made me more judging and discerning of everything. But I still thought, “Yes, since many disciples betrayed him, I guess he could do it this way. As long as all this money is spent for the creation of Utopia and the Korean people.” I waited some more.

When we began working with Kim Jiha, we still had hope that all this money will now finally be used correctly, this money that my fellow masters and I risked our lives to earn. However, now I no longer have that hope. I now know all too well that the expansion of our organization is not the way. The fact that we were not able to create not one single iota of proof for the bright future to come shows us that there was no will to do it in the first place. The money we earned will be used for Susungnim’s personal idea of personal Utopia but that has nothing to do with collective Utopia.

Another things that put me off was the use of the term, “traitor” and “betrayed.” Susungnim had appointed a male master to put in charge of CheonIlAm. I thought that he was unqualified and would run it into bankruptcy. So I told him: “If you want to put him in charge of the operations, let him take over completely. I don’t want to be held responsible for what he does. I want to leave completely.” He asked whether it would work that way. I replied emotionally, “No, I don’t it would work out too well. But if you still want me responsible for the whole thing, I don’t want to use him as my administrative head.”

When I called Susungnim again the next dawn on some other matter, he scolded me greatly for “having the seed of betrayal” in me. Many high level masters called me to express their worry. Several days later, when I was submitting a 12 page plan for the future operation of CheonIlAm, I sent along a letter explaining my opposition for the male master’s appointment. That case was then smoothed over in that fashion.

Bupyeonjang, after resigning her position as the head of Sedona retreat center, wanted to come back to Korea. Susungnim called me at dawn and asked, “Does Bupyeonjang want to come back to Korea?” I knew that Susungnim was thinking of what a waste of a perfectly good visa it was if Bupyeonjang came back to Korea. Susungnim told me to tell Bupyeonjang that “coming back to Korea was an act of betrayal.” Of course, I didn’t tell Bupyeonjang.

Jin Soohyung was an older master than me – he became a master before me. While in the US, he didn’t use the Dahn sign but used another name. This was a complete act of betrayal. He went to Susungnim and confessed and apologized. As a punishment, he was demoted and told to not work in a Dahn center but go find a job in a regular American shop. But he could still live in a Dahn Center. Shortly afterwards, however, he came back to Korea and went into a cave for 21 day no-food, no-sleep training, vowing that he would become enlightened. Then he died. According to the rumors, he died because he didn’t eat carefully after his 21-day fast. Sunamjang asked me how to do a CheonDoJe and I told her. I could understand her mind. Jin Soohyung was one of the very early, original members. He was well respected. I could really understand how desperate he felt.

Another incident involved Sukjungjang. He had a difficult time adjusting to life within the organization. He therefore got permission to go independent. But he failed. He wanted to come back into the organization once more. We accepted. But he committed suicide. On the surface, it was ruled a traffic accident. But we knew that it wasn’t. He was one of the very first member also.

Susungnim said, “He always used to say that he’d rather die that betray me. Since he was always timid, I never thought that he would have the guts. But I guess he did. His spirit is now in Sedona, training.” After thus praising him, he instructed me to perform a CheonDoJe ceremony along with the top masters.

Dahnjaejang quit. Then he gathered to himself those masters who he had taken care of and formed an independent, separate organization. Susungnim was apoplectic with anger. He lectured that it was a blatant act of betrayal.

I realized that betrayal meant not doing what Susungnim wanted. I also realized that this organization was designed to publicize Susungnim, the individual, and not the ideals of Utopia. If you sought to publicize Utopia but not Susungnim, then you were also a traitor. Of course, at first, I thought that since only tan enlightened person could know what a Utopia was, everything that Susungnim did was the way to the promised land. Now I know differently.

In other words, the growth of our organization actually interferes with the emergence of the ideal, utopian world that we all aim for. This means that all the methods that Susungnim is using are wrong.

In that sense, betrayal is meaningless – everyone, once you have gained a certain level of study, must go on their separate ways and deal with the world in their creative ways and continue on their studies. Then they can come together again when there is a need to come together. But to stay within a framework in which one person’s word alone decides what is betrayal or not is not something a really enlightened person would do.

Of course, a grand vision is something that someone with a large consciousness can suggest but people should be able to participate on their own and decide on the issues. The speed would not be as quick but it would provide everyone with a chance to grow. Our organization always want something strong and bright. I think that brightness must come together to become strong. Just because something is strong does not mean that it is bright.

I also have a wary eye on violence. Susungnim always wanted something strong. He said that our organization should no longer be weak but produce fear in others. One day, he said to me:

“I once visited the 3rd region. Three masters bowed down to me and one of them asked a question. As I left, I saw the master who had asked me the question were on his knees begging for forgiveness for having committed a deadly sin. I asked about it later to Youngjijang (3rd region managing master – now head of Korean Institute of Brain Science). She told me that the other two masters beat him up in a room for having asked me a stupid question. That region is like the communists. Youngjijang really controls her people well.”

On Susungnim’s instructions, Chunghaejang really tried hard to learn Youngjijang’s control know-how. In another incident, Youngjijang led a group of members to Sedona on a meditation trip. During the trip, one of the women members said something silly, supposedly. Youngjijang instructed one of the female masters to hit the woman. The female master cursed and hit the member. Then the police came. Since the female master didn’t speak English, she just smiled and the police went away, thinking that nothing was wrong. Later on the night, that female master (who hit the member) was called over to Susungnim’s room and received a personal massage from him. Since this was the first time she had experienced this, she was in heaven.

When they came back to Korea, the member who had been cursed at and beaten came to apologize to Youngjijang. Youngjijang thought that even such actions were necessary when you were trying to teach – she recounted the story proudly in front of other 3rd region masters during a meeting. During those times, there were many incidents of minor violence in the 3rd region. After Daewonjang punished one incident in the 3rd region, the violence seems to have abated somewhat. However, the real problem lay simmering. I knew why these violence occurred. That’s because everyone was under inhumane pressure to produce income and there was no space to release stress. Even violence was forgiven, or even thought helpful, to produce more income.

Yoo Hajin called me. Wooamjang was her superior. During a dinner, after having drunk alcohol, Wooamjang spit at her and called her a bitch for not sharing her secrets with other masters. She wanted to know what to do. After Susungnim found out, he personally comforted her and switched her over to Youngjijang’s care. Then he wanted to see Wooamjang at the airport as he left the country, but Wooamjang didn’t show and the whole thing was left at that.

There was an incident in CheonHwaWon also. I pressured Daamjang for more income and he, in turn, pressured the master who was in charge of general affairs. There was an incidence of violence between the two. Daamajng tendered his resignation but I persuade him to stay. I instead sent the master who was in charge of the general affairs to another place and smoothed the whole thing over.

Choongamjang’s violence was famous. Choongamjang is the younger brother of Susungnim.

When he was running the CheonJiIn Sangsa (merchandising company for Dahn), he used to hit a lot of masters. All the incidents were hushed up for a while until Master Choi got hit and reported directly to Susungnim. After this, Choongamjang was only the owner of CheonJiIn Sansa in name and nothing to do with its operations – he only was put in charge of HanSegye Constructions. The problem was that Master Choi who had reported the violence was also demoted and sent to America.

There was an overall understanding in our organization that violence could be justified and used for the right purposes if needed.

One day, Susungnim instructed me: “Since I need bodyguards and we also need to threaten those people who want to go independent, we should become a fearful organization. Since Han Cheol Un said that he used to be the administrative manager of a nationwide violent gang, you take care of this matter. I will give you a budget of $10,000 a month and see if you can make such an arm of our organization.”

I discussed this with Daewonjang and he said that since we are not a conspiratorial organization, he would rather not see it done. I told Susungnim of another method and told him that I couldn’t do it.

During the incident when Kim Jiha left and Susungnim was in Korea trying to take care of the problem, he said:

“When a Catholic priest said something bad about some other religious figure, that religious figure’s worshipper went and threw human waste at the Catholic priest. Kim Jiha could die too.”

From all these incidents and others, I judged that Susungnim could use violence to further his own interests. I still think that this is wrong. Personally, I don’t think that violence could be justified under any reasons. Even worse, violence perpetrated to further the ends of an organization, a self – claimed Tao organization, is even worse.

Now, I want to speak about the things that led me to decide to quit being a master, the events surrounding Daewonjang, Kim Jiha, and related matters.

(Kim Jiha is a famous poet known for his democratic and patriotic causes. He had been jailed many times by South Korean dictatorial regimes. Kim Jiha was originally impressed by Ilchi Lee’s work on behalf of Dangun, the original founder of Korea, and joined the organization. Ilchi Lee’s Dangun movement was bitterly opposed by the Christian Right of Korea, who deemed it idolatry. Kim Jiha broke with Ilchi Lee in 1999 after a famous press conference accusing Ilchi Lee as an immoral fraud.)

It was shortly after the Policy Team was created, led by Daewonjang. They wanted to meet with me separately. They spoke of the need to retool many parts of the organization and wanted help. I agreed and told them, since I believed in Daewonjang, whatever he did, I would support it.

And Kim Jiha took over the MinShiRyun (Korean Nationalistic Civic Group) and Susungnim instructed everyone to support him. However, Daewonjang expressed his worry over Kim Jiha’s direction. I also thought that, knowing Susungnim’s working style, Kim Jiha and Susungnim would run cross against each other. Further, if we didn’t control the very active rumor mill within our organization, I thought there might be problems.

Susungnim always says that he trusts someone 100% in the beginning when instructing him or her with some project, but there are always problems later on. Therefore, I wanted for Kim Jiha to consult with Daewonjang in his work. I reported thus to Susungnim.

But Susungnim said that he only trusted Kim Jiha. But, before long, Kim Jiha asked complained to me that Susungnim was micromanaging even the tiniest details and in this way, the bigger picture might get ruined. He wanted me to become a go between.

I suggested a 3 – Way meeting solution.

I wanted to get Daewonjang’s suggestions and conclude most matters at his level, without going up to Susungnim’s level. I wanted these meetings to be kept secret. The reason for the secrecy was that Susungnim did not like Daewonjang meeting with Kim Jiha. Also, we had to write detailed report to Susungnim every time we met, and it took a long time to write those reports. And I didn’t want Susungnim to instruct me on a separate agenda in those 3 – way meetings.

I just told Eumhwa (who was in charge of BCC, secretarial dept. under direct control of Susungnim) of the existence of such meetings. We had several 3 – way meetings but there was nothing big enough for Susungnim to decide himself. It was a meeting of sharing information. It worked well.

By phone, Susungnim spoke to Kim Jiha and Daewonjang of his opinion of Han Munryun petition (this was a nationalistic petition to be published in newspapers). Both of them disagreed with Susungnim’s opinion. They wanted Susungnim to trust them enough to leave the work up to them.

I got a call from Susungnim, who said: “When I talk to you, I feel blocked in the chest. It is obvious that both Kim Jiha and Daewonjang have negative information about me. You judge both Kim Jiha and Daewonjang according to your conscience and report to me about them.”

I understood what was going on generally. I first checked with Eumhwa and Shin Mijung to see how they had reported to Susungnim about me. Ultimately, they decided to go with Susungnim wishes on how to proceed with the petition. The result was not good.

Kim Jiha stated that Susungnim must change his working style. Kim Jiha said that he would risk any humiliation to succeed in his work in order to change Susungnim’s style also. I agreed and told him of the problems within our organization (about 60% of the contents of the letter) to help him reform the organization. However, the result was the opposite of what I expected. Kim Jiha became very angry and regretful over his original decision to join the organization. In the meanwhile, Lee Hyungtae, senior advisor to Dahn organization, came to Korea.

Lee Hyuntae said: “We only need 100 masters willing to risk their lives. Blood must be shed. We need to aim guns at the Christian ministers and threaten them. We need masters willing to go to jail.” I discussed this with Kim Jiha. Upon hearing this, he became angrier. He said, “That man does not know the meaning of terrorism. I don’t even need to meet with him.”

I discussed this with Daewonjang. He said, as long as he was there as the Executive Manager of Dahn Korea, something like that would not happen. We had another 3 – way meeting. At that meeting, Kim Jiha, in an emotional voice, recorded what he wanted to say to Susungnim on a tape. I had plans to meet with Susungnim in Beijing. Kim Jiha wanted me to deliver the tape to Susungnim in Beijing. Daewonjang agreed that the tape should be delivered without any editing. So I did.

The tape basically said: “If you continue on this path, Dahn will be no more within 3 years. You are not an enlightened man. I renounce you as my teacher. You should listen to my advice instead from now on.”

Susungnim got angry at these words. “If Kim Jiha apologizes for the three things he said on the tape, I will forgive him and never interfere with his work. But if he doesn’t, I will end the relationship.”

When I came back to Korea, I hid from everyone for two days and rested. Then I discussed with Daewonjang. He proposed lying to both Kim Jiha and Susungnim to allow them to come together and talk with each other directly. But they both knew each other well and both wanted to end the relatioinship.

Susungnim told me to take the responsibility for this incident. All I wanted to do was to become a center manager and live with Arijang. I wrote down an official apology, just as Susungnim wanted, and became demoted to a lower level master and allowed to go to a center. Susungnim, in a nationwide masters lecture, spoke about me. “She wanted to be God but, because of pride, ate from the tree of knowledge. Enemy within is always the more dangerous.” And he projected my apology letter on a huge screen for all the masters to see.

A few days later, Susungnim visited me in CheonIlAm and said: “You sin was that, under the pretense of protecting Daewonjang and Kim Jiha, I was no longer in the center of your heart. You cannot have anyone more important than me in your life. Go to Japan. I will get a visa for you. Go there and succeed without Kim Jiha. Then come back successfully. Kill that bug in your head. If you disturb me one more time, you will die.”

I then received a 15 day rest. In the meanwhile, I met with Song00 member. I told her everything.

Then Lee Hyungtae wanted to see me, saying that he had to tell me something that Susungnim wanted to tell me. He actually told me he defended me: when some male master said that I was a bitch, he told that master if he ever saw me act like a bitch to say such thing. I told him that although I understood people having suspicions about my relationship with Susungnim, I didn’t understand people having suspicions about me and Kim Jiha. Listening to him, I was even more discouraged and wanted to quit being a master.

Lee Hyungtae told me that other masters reported to Susungnim that my phone voice was still as bright as ever and that I showed no signs of remorse. Susungnim told me to stay quiet and repent. That discouraged me even more.

So many masters called. I told them all that whatever Susungnim said was right and to obey him in all things. To those who cursed me, I apologized for not setting a good example. That evening, I went to stay at a place that a close member had prepared for me. On the second night, Susungnim called me directly: “…Don’t go around saying useless things and go to Japan as soon as possible. And even in Japan, don’t stay in the local center but go become a pioneer and don’t come back to Korea…”

I was tired. I couldn’t do anything. Then that close member made a pass at me at night. In the other room, my assistant master was sleeping. I refused his advances and asked him why. He said that he thought all Dahn masters practiced free sex. I said he was wrong. I then slept next to my assistant master and cried all night. I was at my wits’ end. When my cell phone rang, I cried into the phone without caring who it was. It was Kim Jiha’s wife.

I then went to Ilsan and told Kim Jiha that I was going to quit. I also told Daewonjang by phone that I was quitting. I said that won’t ever think of Tao, enlightenment, spirit, or things like that again. I went on a trip. After coming back, I got a small room in Wondang, which I was cheaper than Seoul. I knew Wondang from my days there as a center master. I only contacted Kim Jiha, Song00, and Daewonjang. To Daewonjang, I asked whether he could recommend me to a job, even manual labor. Kim Jiha told me that I could have an administrative job in his office. I said OK.



And this is all that’s happened until now. I sincerely apologize to all those who loved me and whom I loved. I just don’t know right now how I could this situation. To tell you truthfully, I feel like I am standing in a place where different set of rules apply. I feel like a little kid.

Everyone knows of the dream of Utopia. Many people, including me, have gone through mistakes in trying to make it happen. The biggest reason is that personal ambition and greed always become a higher priority than the original vision. Until now, I worried that people might think that it was my personal desires that made all these things happen. But now, I understand that even that fear of misunderstanding is a result of my ego.

I don’t care now who misunderstands me. I just worry about those young people like me who, in their pure heart and vigor, are risking their health and lives to save the Korean people. I also know that 80% of the masters and members have no idea of what’s going on. I also know that there are masters who think differently having the same information that I have. What I am doing now could be twisted to serve these people’s purposes. However, not doing anything and keeping quiet about all these, living my life in a compromise with my past, I couldn’t live like that. Even writing this letter is wrong, then I will learn from it. If you want to discuss with me on how to solve this, contact me and I will take you phone call. I will accept calls only from Dahn members or masters. My number is 000-000-0000. You might no believe me, but I really loved Dahn and respect all those whom I met in Dahn. I hope you forgive me of all my sins that I might have committed unknowingly.